What Constitutes Marriage In The Bible: A Bible Guide

Figuring out marriage is tough. We all know that. But when you try to figure out what the Bible actually says about it? That’s a whole different level of confusing.

It feels like we’re drowning in cultural traditions, legal definitions, and just a thousand different opinions from everyone. It’s easy to get lost.

I get it. I’ve spent years wrestling with this, both for my own peace of mind and to help friends and family who’ve come to me with hard questions. I’ve walked through the confusion. I’ve asked the same questions you’re probably asking. So, let’s try to clear away all that noise and get to the heart of what constitutes marriage in the bible.

This is a question that cuts so much deeper than just “who can get married?” It’s really about the essence of the whole thing. What makes two people married in God’s eyes? Is it the big ceremony? The vows? That piece of paper from the courthouse? The physical part?

This guide is just me walking you through the process, starting in Genesis and moving all the way to the practical advice in the New Testament. We’re going to dig into what the Bible actually describes, not just what we’ve been told it says.

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Key Takeaways

Here’s the lay of the land before we get into the details:

• It’s a Covenant, Not a Contract: This is the big one. The Bible’s main idea for marriage is a covenant. Think of it as a sacred, binding, all-in promise made before God.
• The “Blueprint” Is in Genesis: The original model (Genesis 2:24) is a three-part action: leaving your parents, cleaving (holding fast) to your spouse, and becoming one flesh.
• Jesus Pointed Back to the Blueprint: When people tried to trap Jesus in cultural debates, he just skipped over the complications and pointed right back to the Genesis ideal: one man, one woman, united by God, for life.
• The “Wedding” Is About Going Public: The Bible doesn’t hand us a ceremony script. But it always shows marriage as a public event, something the whole community sees and celebrates. It’s the party that honors the covenant.
• The Old Testament Is Honest, Not Always Ideal: The Bible tells the truth. It records things like polygamy, but it also shows the absolute chaos and heartbreak that came from it, standing in stark contrast to the Genesis ideal.
• The Ultimate “Why” Is a Picture of the Gospel: The New Testament blows the doors off the whole thing. It calls marriage a “profound mystery” that shows the world what Christ’s unbreakable love for his people looks like.

So, Where Does the Idea of Marriage Even Start?

You’ve got to start at the beginning, right? For marriage, that means Genesis. We get the blueprint right at the dawn of human history.

It all kicks off in Genesis 2. God has created Adam, put him in the Garden, and given him work to do. But something’s missing. Right in the middle of this “very good” creation, God says something powerful: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Don’t skim past that word “helper.” This isn’t about Adam needing a gardening assistant. The Hebrew word is ezer, and it’s used elsewhere to describe God Himself—as a strong, necessary rescuer and completer. It’s a word with weight.

So, after Adam sees that no animal can be this partner, God creates Eve from Adam’s own side. Adam’s reaction isn’t just “Oh, cool.” It’s a poem. “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” (Genesis 2:23). It’s a shout of recognition. He’s saying, “She is from me, she is like me, she is for me.”

Right after this, the Bible gives us the foundational verse for all of marriage. It’s the “therefore” that explains the why of it all:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Don’t read that too fast. That one sentence is the bedrock. It lays out three distinct, powerful actions that make up the ideal marriage:

1. Leave: A brand-new family unit gets created. Your main loyalty has to shift from the family you grew up in to the family you are building. This is a clear, public separation.
2. Hold Fast (or Cleave): This is a fantastic word. It’s about loyalty and permanence. It means to chase after, to stick to like glue. This is the language of a covenant that doesn’t quit.
3. Become One Flesh: This is the most mysterious part. Yes, it absolutely includes the physical, sexual union that consummates the marriage. But it’s so much bigger than that. It’s a complete, total merging of two lives—financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You become a new, single entity.

This is the ideal. This is God’s original design. One man, one woman, leaving their old lives to form a new, permanent, “one flesh” union.

But Wait, the Old Testament Looks… Complicated, Doesn’t It?

Here’s where most of us get tangled. We read that Genesis blueprint, and it makes sense. But then we keep reading.

We run into Abraham, who has a child with Hagar, his wife’s servant. We meet Jacob, who gets tricked into marrying two sisters and also has children with their servants. Then you’ve got King David, with his multiple wives. And to top it all off, King Solomon famously had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

It’s a mess. It looks like it completely shreds the Genesis ideal.

So, what’s going on? Here is the most important interpretive key I ever learned: The Bible describes many things that it does not prescribe.

The Old Testament is an unflinchingly honest book. It shows us what happened, not just what should have happened. It records the brokenness, the compromises, and the sinful ways people strayed from God’s plan. And—this is the critical part—it also records the consequences. Abraham’s household is torn apart by jealousy. Jacob’s family is a soap opera of jealousy and violence. David’s choices lead to betrayal and murder. Solomon’s wives turn his heart away from God.

The Bible doesn’t celebrate this. It laments it.

What About All Those Wives? (Polygamy)

Polygamy was just a fact of life in the Ancient Near East. It was often about securing heirs, making political alliances, or just showing off how rich you were. The Bible records it as a reality for many of the patriarchs and kings.

But God’s Word actively warned against it, especially for kings. In Deuteronomy 17:17, God commands the future kings of Israel: “And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away…”

That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement. It was a clear warning. The practice was a complete failure to live up to the “one flesh” ideal, and the Bible shows us the painful fallout. It was never God’s Plan A.

And Betrothal? Was That Basically Marriage?

This is one of the most fascinating and misunderstood parts of biblical marriage. For us, an “engagement” is a promise to get married. A “betrothal” in that world was way more serious.

The clearest example is Joseph and Mary. In Matthew 1, we read they were “betrothed.” Before they “came together” (meaning, before they lived together or consummated the marriage), Mary was found to be pregnant by the Holy Spirit.

Look at Joseph’s reaction. He knows this isn’t his kid. His first thought is to “divorce her quietly” (Matthew 1:19).

You don’t “divorce” a fiancée.

This tells us that betrothal was the first legal step of marriage. It was a binding covenant, usually arranged by the families, that made them legally husband and wife. It was so binding it required a certificate of divorce to break. The “wedding” (often a week-long party) came later. That was the public celebration when the husband would finally take his wife into his home, and the marriage would be consummated.

This shows us that in the biblical mind, the vow or covenant was the real glue that bound the couple, even before the party or the physical union.

Did They Even Have Weddings Like We Do?

When I picture a “wedding,” I think of my own. I was standing at the front of a church, palms sweating, watching my wife walk down the aisle in that white dress. We swapped rings, said “I do,” and a pastor pronounced us “man and wife.”

We don’t really see that exact scene in the Bible.

Biblical “weddings” were much more about a process than a single, 30-minute event. First and foremost, they were a public affair. A marriage wasn’t something two people did in secret. It was a community celebration, a legal transfer, and a family alliance.

We see glimpses of it. In Genesis 29, Jacob works seven years for Rachel, and her father, Laban, “made a feast” to celebrate the marriage (though he pulled the ol’ switcheroo with Leah). Samson has a week-long “feast” for his wedding in Judges 14.

And, of course, Jesus’s first miracle was at a “wedding feast in Cana” (John 2). These were huge, public parties that could go on for days. It was the community’s way of witnessing and giving their stamp of approval to the union.

So, Was It a Vow? A Contract? A Covenant?

This is the absolute core of the issue. Our modern world thinks in contracts. A contract is a piece of paper you sign, an “if you do this, I’ll do that” agreement. If one person fails to hold up their end, the contract is void. It’s transactional.

The Bible thinks in covenants. A covenant is a sacred, binding promise, sealed with an oath. It pledges lifelong loyalty and faithfulness, even if the other person messes up. It’s relational.

This is the single most important concept. In Malachi 2:14, the prophet Malachi confronts the men of Israel for faithlessly divorcing their wives. He says God is a witness against them because “she is your partner, the wife of your covenant.”

There’s that word. Marriage is a covenant.

I remember standing at that altar, about to say my vows. Yes, I was in love. But I was also terrified, because I knew I was making a vow. The words I said weren’t, “I’ll stay with you as long as I feel giddy” or “as long as you make me happy.” The words were, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health… ’til death do us part.”

That is the language of a covenant. It’s a promise to stay, to love, and to be faithful, no matter what. That is what the Bible says the glue is. The public ceremony is just the celebration and the witness of that covenant.

What Did Jesus Say About It All?

Then Jesus enters the conversation. He doesn’t scrap the Old Testament; he clarifies it. He gets back to the original, factory settings.

In Matthew 19 (and Mark 10), some Pharisees come to test him. They ask, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” They were trying to trap him in a loophole-filled debate.

Jesus’s answer is brilliant. He doesn’t take the bait. He just bypasses their entire argument and goes straight back to the beginning.

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

With this one statement, Jesus does three massive things:

1. He roots marriage in Creation, not culture. This is God’s design from the beginning.
2. He explicitly quotes Genesis 2:24 as the definition. He affirms the “leave, cleave, and one flesh” model.
3. He elevates the union. It’s not just two people deciding to hook up. It is God who does the “joining.”

This is a radically high view of marriage. It’s a divine-human partnership. That line, “let not man separate,” isn’t a threat. It’s a statement of fact about the nature of this “one flesh” bond that God Himself has sealed.

But What About Divorce? Doesn’t That Mean It’s Not Permanent?

The Pharisees push back. “Then why did Moses command divorce?”

Jesus corrects them, and he’s sharp about it. Moses didn’t command it; he permitted it “because of your hardness of heart” (Matthew 19:8). It was a concession to human sin and brokenness, not the ideal.

Jesus then gives what we call the “exception clause”: “…whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

People have written entire libraries on this verse. But in simple terms, Jesus is saying that the “one flesh” covenant is so real that to break it and form a new “one flesh” union with someone else is adultery. The only thing that already shatters that covenant bond is “sexual immorality” (Greek: porneia), a broad term for sexual unfaithfulness.

This exception actually proves the rule. The permanence of marriage is so strong that only the most profound betrayal of the “one flesh” covenant can sever it.

Then Paul Comes In and Calls It a “Profound Mystery”

If Genesis gives us the “what” and Jesus clarifies the “how,” the Apostle Paul pulls back the curtain on the ultimate “why.”

In his letter to the Ephesians (chapter 5), Paul gives practical instructions to husbands and wives. Wives should respect their husbands, and husbands should love their wives. But the reason he gives is staggering.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

That one line just changed the game. The model for a husband’s love is the sacrificial, “give-it-all-up” love of Jesus on the cross.

Then, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24—”Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” And he follows it with this bombshell:

“This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32)

There it is. The ultimate purpose of marriage. It’s not just for companionship (though it is). It’s not just for having kids (though that’s often part of it). The deepest, truest purpose of marriage is to be a living, breathing, human-sized picture of the greatest reality in the universe: the unbreakable, covenant-keeping love of Jesus Christ for His people, the church.

The husband’s selfless love is supposed to look like Christ’s. The wife’s respectful partnership is supposed to look like the church’s response to Christ. The “one flesh” union is a physical parable of the spiritual union we have with Him.

This is why the covenant is so important. This is why it’s meant to be permanent. If marriage is a picture of Christ’s love, it can’t be a “I’ll stay as long as I’m happy” contract. Christ’s love for us is a “for better, for worse” covenant.

So, Is Marriage About Love, or Is It a Duty?

This is where the rubber meets the road. My wife and I have been married for a long time. I can tell you, there are days when the “in love” feelings are not front and center. There are times of sickness, financial stress, or just plain exhaustion when we feel more like roommates than soulmates.

If our marriage were based only on a feeling, it would have failed long ago.

But it’s based on a covenant. On the promise I made. On the “duty” of love.

The Bible’s view of love (especially the Greek word agape) is not primarily an emotion. It’s an action. It’s a choice. It’s a commitment to the good of the other person, no matter the cost to yourself. This is the love Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 7, where he advises spouses to care for one another’s needs.

The wonderful paradox is this: when you both commit to the covenant of love, the feelings of love have a secure place to flourish. My wife is my best friend. I’m more “in love” with her today than I was at the altar. But that deep, seasoned love grew on the trellis of a non-negotiable covenant.

Let’s Boil It Down: What Are the Non-Negotiable Ingredients?

So, after all that, what constitutes marriage in the Bible’s eyes? When you strip away all the cultural specifics (feasts, dresses, ceremonies), you are left with these essential, non-negotiable components:

• A Man and a Woman: The consistent, unchanging model from Genesis 2:24 to Matthew 19:5 is a complementary union between male and female.
• A Covenantal Promise: This is the heart. It is a conscious, willing vow of lifelong faithfulness and exclusivity. In the Old Testament, this was the betrothal. In our culture, it’s the “I do.” It’s the moment you mean it.
• Public Recognition: Marriage is never a secret. It is a public declaration before witnesses (family, friends, and the community) that creates a new, publicly recognized social unit.
• A “One Flesh” Union: The covenant is sealed and consummated through the physical, sexual union, which the Bible treats as a sacred act that bonds two people together in a way nothing else can (1 Corinthians 6:16).
• Divine Sanction: Ultimately, it is an acknowledgment that God is the one doing the “joining.” It is a union entered into “before God” as the ultimate witness and enforcer of the covenant.

What Isn’t Required Then?

This is just as important. We add a lot of traditions that are good, but they aren’t the essence of the thing. The Bible does not require:

• A Pastor or Priest: Having a spiritual leader officiate is wise and good, but the Bible never mandates it. God is the one who joins. A pastor acts as an agent of the community and a witness before God.
• A Church Building: People got married in homes and in public. The “church” is the people, not the steeple.
• A State-Issued License: This is a very new invention, historically. The license is our culture’s way of handling the “public recognition” part. It’s about being subject to the governing authorities (Romans 13), but it’s not the piece of paper that makes you married in God’s eyes. It’s the covenant the paper represents. As this Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy article on marriage shows, the legal and social definitions of marriage have shifted constantly, but the biblical, covenantal concept remains.
• A White Dress or a Diamond Ring: These are lovely, but they are traditions. They are symbols of the covenant, not the covenant itself.

So, Does Our Modern “Piece of Paper” Matter?

This is a question I get a lot. “If we’ve made a private promise and are living together, aren’t we married in God’s eyes?”

Based on the biblical model, I would say no. You’re missing a critical piece: the public, witnessed covenant.

The “piece of paper” from the government matters. Why? Because as Christians, we are called to be “subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:1). In our culture, the state-issued license is the only way to be publicly and legally recognized as “husband and wife.”

It’s the 21st-century equivalent of the “wedding feast.” It’s the public declaration. It says to the world, “We are a new family unit. We are responsible for one another.” It provides legal protection and social order. To avoid this public declaration looks less like a high view of marriage and more like a desire to keep one’s options open.

It’s not the paper itself. It’s the public, legal, and binding covenant that the paper represents.

What’s the Big Takeaway for Us Today?

Understanding what constitutes marriage in the Bible is about more than winning an argument. It’s about grasping the weight, the beauty, and the purpose of it.

Marriage, at its core, is not a feeling, a ceremony, or a legal status.

It is a covenant.

It’s a lifelong, public promise between one man and one woman to “leave” all others, “cleave” only to each other, and become “one flesh.”

And it is all of this because it is a living, breathing picture of the most passionate, permanent, and sacrificial love story in the universe: the love of Christ for His church.

For me, this understanding changed everything. Marriage stopped being a social expectation and became a profound, holy calling. It’s harder, and it’s infinitely better, than I ever imagined.

FAQ – What Constitutes Marriage In The Bible