What the Bible Says About Holding Grudges – Ephesians 4:26

It often begins with something small. A thoughtless word. A broken promise. A betrayal that hits you harder than you thought possible. At first, it’s just a sharp sting, a raw sense of injustice. But if you aren’t careful, that simple hurt begins to spoil. The memory plays on repeat, gathering details, building its case. The hot anger cools and hardens into something much heavier, a permanent weight in your soul. It becomes a grudge. We’ve all been there. We all know that toxic burden. And in those quiet moments, stewing in resentment, most of us have wondered what the bible says about holding grudges.

The answer cuts right through our excuses and calls us to live a lighter, freer life. It’s both shockingly direct and profoundly difficult. You can find one of the most practical passages on this exact struggle in the book of Ephesians. The Apostle Paul, writing to the early church, lays down a command that feels almost impossible in its directness: “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” That single verse, Ephesians 4:26, is our guide. It acknowledges the reality of our anger but gives it a strict, urgent deadline, showing us that a grudge isn’t just a bad mood—it’s a spiritual danger zone.

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Key Takeaways

• Anger Itself Isn’t the Sin: The Bible understands that anger is a real human emotion. The point of Ephesians 4:26 isn’t to pretend you’re not angry, but to handle that anger in a way that doesn’t lead you into sin.
• You Have to Act Fast: The instruction “do not let the sun go down on your wrath” is about urgency. Letting anger fester overnight is the first step to it hardening into a grudge.
• A Grudge is a Spiritual Opening: Paul warns that holding onto anger gives the devil a “foothold” (Ephesians 4:27). An unforgiving heart creates a weak point for our spiritual enemy to attack.
• Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Mood: Biblical forgiveness is a decision you make. It’s a choice to release someone from the debt you feel they owe you, and it doesn’t depend on whether you feel like it or if they’ve apologized.
• How We Forgive Others is Tied to How God Forgives Us: Again and again, Scripture links our forgiveness of others to our own experience of being forgiven by God. Refusing to forgive puts a wall up in our relationship with Him.

But Doesn’t the Bible Say, “Be Angry and Do Not Sin”?

This is where many of us get stuck. The phrase itself feels like a contradiction. How can anyone feel an emotion as hot and volatile as anger and somehow keep it sterile and separate from sin? It feels like an impossible command. Yet, the Bible doesn’t back down from it. This instruction acknowledges a deep truth about how we were made. God created us with emotions, and anger is one of them.

What Does It Really Mean to Be Angry Without Sinning?

To get this, you have to draw a line between the initial feeling and the follow-through. Anger in its purest form is just a response to something you perceive as wrong. It’s a fire alarm. An alarm isn’t bad; it’s just a warning. Sin walks in the door based on how we respond to that alarm.

Look at Jesus. When He walked into the temple and saw it turned into a marketplace, with crooks exploiting the poor, He got angry. He didn’t just stand there. He drove them out. That wasn’t a temper tantrum. It was righteous anger—a holy and pure reaction to injustice and disrespect for His Father’s house. His anger was fueled by love for God and a desire to protect the vulnerable. It had nothing to do with a bruised ego.

Our anger, however, slips into sin when it’s all about us. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and you explode. A coworker gets a promotion you thought you deserved, and you burn with envy. A friend forgets your birthday, and you give them the silent treatment. Here, the anger isn’t about some great injustice. It’s about me. It’s about my rights and my expectations. Sinful anger is letting that initial spark of feeling curdle into bitterness, gossip, revenge, and finally, a grudge.

To be angry and not sin is to acknowledge the feeling, figure out where it’s coming from, and hand it over to God before it can put down roots in your heart and grow into something ugly.

Why Is Letting the Sun Go Down on Your Anger Such a Big Deal?

Paul’s instruction is incredibly specific. He puts a time limit on our anger. This isn’t just a piece of friendly advice; it’s a critical warning with a deadline. Why? Because Paul, guided by the Holy Spirit, knew what happens to anger when it’s left to sit. He knew that fresh anger, left alone in the darkness of night, goes through a dangerous chemical reaction.

Is This Command Meant to Be Taken Literally?

The imagery is powerful, but the principle is what matters. The point isn’t about being safe at 5:00 PM but in trouble at 9:00 PM. The point is immediacy. Deal with it now. Don’t let the wound fester. Do not go to sleep replaying the offense in your mind, because that gives the anger time to get comfortable, to unpack its bags and become a permanent resident in your heart.

When we lie down at night, our guard is down. The busyness of the day is gone, and we’re alone with our thoughts. This is the perfect environment for the enemy to water any seed of bitterness we’ve allowed. The hurtful words echo louder. The injustice feels bigger. By morning, the anger has cooled and hardened into a solid grudge. The sun has gone down, and a darker day is dawning in our soul.

How Does Holding a Grudge “Give Place to the Devil”?

Paul connects the dots for us in the very next verse. He says, “…nor give place to the devil.” The warning is direct and chilling. Unresolved anger—the kind that becomes a grudge—is more than just a bad attitude. It is a spiritual foothold. It is leaving a door in your soul unlocked and inviting the enemy to come in and wreak havoc.

I learned this the hard way a few years back. A good friend made a careless comment that hit an insecurity I didn’t even know was so raw. I didn’t say a word. I just gave a weak smile and moved on. Or so I told myself. That night, I tossed and turned. I replayed his words again and again, finding new and more malicious meanings each time. I let the sun go down on my anger.

In the weeks that followed, that unlocked door became a gateway for suspicion and bitterness. Every time I saw him, my perception was colored by that hurt. I started questioning his motives. I read insults into his compliments. That grudge I was nursing gave the devil a “place” to stand in our friendship, and from there he whispered lies, twisted my thinking, and built a wall between us. It wasn’t until I finally took my bitterness to God and chose to forgive my friend (who had no idea any of this was happening) that the spiritual weight finally lifted.

If I’m Holding a Grudge, Am I Living in Unforgiveness?

Yes. A grudge is simply unforgiveness on life support. It’s the stubborn refusal to release someone from the wrong they committed against you. We hang onto it because, on some level, we feel they owe us. They owe us an apology. They owe us restitution. At the very least, they owe us the satisfaction of staying angry at them. But the Bible’s view of forgiveness flips our human desire for justice on its head.

What’s the Difference Between Forgiveness and Forgetting?

This is a huge point of confusion. So many people resist forgiving because they think it means they have to pretend the offense never happened. They imagine they have to somehow erase the memory, which feels both dishonest and impossible. Biblical forgiveness, however, is not amnesia.

Think of it like canceling a debt. If someone owes you $1,000, that debt colors every interaction you have with them. To forgive is to pull up their account, see the $1,000 balance, and willingly stamp “Paid in Full” over it. You don’t forget the debt existed. But you have made a conscious choice to no longer hold it against them. You’ve released them. This is what we do when we forgive a wrong. We release the person from the emotional debt they owe us. The memory might still be there, but we give up our right to use it as a weapon.

Does Forgiving Someone Mean I Have to Trust Them Again?

This is another major roadblock. We think, “If I forgive them, they’ll just hurt me again!” This mistake confuses forgiveness with reconciliation. They are two different things.

• Forgiveness is between you and God. It’s an act of your will, obeying His command to release the offender. You can do it whether the other person is sorry or not. It is, first and foremost, for your own freedom.
• Reconciliation is between you and the other person. It is the hard work of rebuilding a broken relationship. It takes two. It requires both forgiveness from one person and repentance and trustworthy behavior from the other.

You can forgive someone who shattered your trust without immediately putting them back in a position to do it again. Forgiveness is a command for every Christian. Full reconciliation, however, isn’t always possible or even wise. You can forgive an abusive partner without moving back in with them. You can forgive an employee who stole from you without giving them back the keys to the register. Forgiveness is about the state of your heart; reconciliation is about the state of your relationship.

What Are the Real Consequences of Holding onto a Grudge?

The Bible could not be clearer that unforgiveness is a very big deal. Its consequences are devastating, poisoning every area of our lives—spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. It is a soul-cancer that will spread if left untreated.

How Does Bitterness Affect Me Spiritually?

The writer of Hebrews gives this stern warning: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).

Pay attention to that language. A grudge isn’t just a weed on the surface; it’s a “root.” It grows deep and unseen. From that hidden root, bitterness erupts, and the verse tells us it “causes trouble” and “defiles many.” A bitter person doesn’t just poison their own life. Their cynical words, their suspicious attitude, and their joyless spirit can infect their family, their friends, and their entire church community.

Spiritually, a grudge is like static on the line to God. It jams up our prayers. It smothers our joy. It makes authentic worship impossible. How can we possibly lift our hands to God in praise when they are clenched into fists of anger against someone else? It creates a spiritual blockage, a hypocrisy that God simply won’t overlook.

Are There Physical and Emotional Costs to Unforgiveness?

Long before science could prove it, the Bible knew the powerful link between our spirit and our body. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Unforgiveness is a state of constant inner turmoil. It is the exact opposite of a tranquil heart.

Modern science has now confirmed this ancient wisdom. Study after study has shown the real, physical damage caused by holding onto anger. As documented by respected institutions like Johns Hopkins University, the act of forgiveness can lead to measurably better health. On the other hand, nursing a grudge is linked to:

• Higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol
• Increased blood pressure and heart disease risk
• A weaker immune system
• Chronic anxiety and depression
• Poor sleep

I saw this play out in my own extended family. Two brothers had a major falling out over an inheritance. It was bitter and ugly, sparking a grudge that poisoned family gatherings for more than a decade. The tension at holidays was unbearable. I watched as one of my uncles, the one who felt most wronged, changed. He became constantly irritable, and he developed chronic stomach problems and headaches. The bitterness was literally making him sick. The grudge was a poison he chose to drink every day, and it was rotting his bones, just as the Proverb says.

So How Do I Actually Let Go of a Grudge?

Knowing we need to forgive is one thing. Actually doing it, especially when the pain is immense, is another thing entirely. It can feel impossible. Our emotions scream that it’s not fair, that the person who hurt us doesn’t deserve it. And our feelings might be right. But forgiveness isn’t about what they deserve. It’s about our obedience to what God has commanded.

What’s the First Step When Forgiveness Feels Impossible?

The very first step is to understand that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you will wait forever. The feelings of anger and hurt won’t just vanish on their own. You have to make a conscious decision, an act of your will, to obey God even when your emotions are screaming the opposite.

That decision often begins with a very honest prayer. You can go to God and say, “Father, you know what they did to me. You know how angry I am. On my own, I can’t forgive them. I don’t even want to. But I know you’ve commanded me to, so I am choosing to obey you. Please, I need you to change my heart. Give me your power to do what I can’t do on my own.” That prayer of surrender is what turns the key in the lock.

Can You Give Me Some Practical Steps from the Bible?

Letting go is a process. It’s not a one-and-done event. It often means choosing to forgive the same person for the same offense hundreds of times. Every time the memory pops up, you have a fresh opportunity to hand it back over to God. Here are a few practical, biblical steps to guide you:

• Be Honest About the Hurt. Don’t downplay it. Don’t pretend it didn’t hurt. Bring the specific, ugly details of the wound to God. King David was a master at this. The Psalms are filled with his raw, honest cries of pain and anger to God. Do the same. Tell God exactly how you feel. (Psalm 62:8)
• Make a Verbal Decision to Forgive. Actually say the words out loud to God. “Father, in Jesus’ name, I choose to forgive [Name] for [what they did].” Speaking it makes the decision more real. It’s an act of obedience, based on Colossians 3:13: “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
• Lean on God’s Strength. You can’t do this with sheer willpower. True forgiveness is a supernatural act that requires the power of the Holy Spirit. You have to cling to verses like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” That “all things” includes the impossible task of forgiving a deep wound.
• Remember the Cross. The greatest motivation for forgiving is to remember how much you’ve been forgiven. Go read the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18. We, who have been forgiven an infinite debt by God, have zero standing to hold a small debt against someone else. When you find it hard to forgive, just think about the cross and what it cost God to forgive you.
• Pray for the Person Who Hurt You. This is the ultimate test. It is almost impossible to keep a grudge alive against someone you are actively asking God to bless. Jesus said it best: “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27-28). Pray for their health, their family, their job, their walk with God. This practice will actively kill the root of bitterness in your own heart.

What if the Person Who Hurt Me Isn’t Sorry?

This might be the hardest situation of all. We instinctively feel that forgiveness should be conditional. We want the other person to be remorseful. We want them to understand the pain they caused and ask for our forgiveness. But what if they don’t? What if they deny they did anything wrong, or they just disappear from your life?

Does God Still Expect Me to Forgive?

The answer is a difficult yes. Just look at the ultimate example. While hanging on the cross, as nails were being driven through His hands and feet, Jesus looked at the men who were torturing and mocking Him and prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Think about that. Had they apologized? Had they shown any remorse? No. They were in the very act of sinning against Him. Jesus’s forgiveness was completely unconditional. It was an act of obedience to the Father, driven by a love we can hardly fathom. Our forgiveness is not dependent on their apology. It is an act of obedience to God, done for the freedom of our own souls. Waiting for an apology that may never arrive is letting the person who hurt you continue to control your emotional and spiritual life. Forgiveness takes that control back.

How Does My Grudge Against Others Affect My Relationship with God?

We’ve seen that a grudge hurts us emotionally, physically, and in our relationships. But its most devastating impact is on our direct relationship with God the Father. This isn’t a small side issue; it is a central, critical part of our faith.

The Uncomfortable Truth in the Lord’s Prayer

We often say the Lord’s Prayer on autopilot, without really thinking about the staggering weight of what we are asking. Jesus instructed us to pray, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). We are literally asking God to forgive us using the same standard that we use to forgive other people.

Just in case we miss the point, Jesus doubles down right after the prayer ends: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

This is one of the most sobering warnings in the entire Bible. It doesn’t mean you lose your salvation every time you struggle to forgive. But it absolutely means that a heart that willfully holds onto a grudge is putting a massive blockage in its fellowship with God. Our prayers feel like they bounce off the ceiling. Our sense of His presence grows distant. We simply cannot bask in the joy of God’s forgiveness for us while refusing to extend that same grace to someone else.

An unforgiving spirit makes us a hypocrite at the throne of grace, and that is a condition God will not bless.

Conclusion

The Bible’s message about holding grudges, captured so perfectly in Ephesians 4:26, is ultimately a call to live in freedom. “Be angry, and do not sin.” That first spark of anger is an alarm, telling you something is wrong. You need to listen to it. But you cannot let it stay. You cannot let the sun go down on it. Why? Because what is just anger at sunset will become a hardened grudge by sunrise. And a grudge is nothing less than an open invitation for the enemy to gain a foothold in your life, your mind, and your relationships.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick. It only destroys you. It rots your bones, it poisons your spirit, and it damages your fellowship with your heavenly Father.

Letting go isn’t easy. It is a choice. It is a process. And it is a supernatural act that is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit. It starts with the simple, yet profound, decision to obey God, to release the person who hurt you from the debt you feel they owe, and to place them completely in His hands. It means choosing freedom over the heavy chains of bitterness. Today, if there is a grudge you are carrying, don’t let the sun set on it one more time. Take it to the cross, and leave it there for good.

FAQ – What the Bible Says About Holding Grudges