What the Bible Says About Hate – 1 John 4:20 Love Brother

Hate. It’s a heavy word, isn’t it? It feels like broken glass in your soul, jagged and sharp. Let’s be real—we’ve all felt its sting. Sometimes we’re the target. And sometimes, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, we’re the one holding onto it. I can still picture myself in the back of a noisy coffee shop years ago, the conversation with a friend who’d stabbed me in the back replaying in my head.

My coffee went cold, but a hot, bitter anger was rising in my chest. It wasn’t just anger. It was hate. In that moment, my faith felt a million miles away. How do you square that kind of raw, ugly feeling with a God who the Bible says is love? That’s the tension every Christian grapples with. We live in a messy world, full of betrayal and pain, but we’re called to something higher. If you’ve ever wrestled with that feeling, if you’ve ever wanted to truly understand what the Bible says about hate and how on earth you’re supposed to love people who make it so difficult, then this is for you.

At the center of it all is a verse that doesn’t mess around. It’s a spiritual reality check that offers no excuses: 1 John 4:20. This single verse forces us to look at the gap that can form between the love we say we have for God and the feelings we quietly harbor for people.

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Key Takeaways

• You Can’t Separate Love for God from Love for People: According to 1 John 4:20, claiming you love God while hating someone you see every day is a flat-out contradiction. The Bible makes it clear: how we treat people is the ultimate proof of our love for God.
• Hate Isn’t Just an Emotion; It’s Murder of the Heart: The New Testament takes things to a deeper level. 1 John 3:15 is blunt, stating that hating a brother is the spiritual equivalent of murder. This shows that God isn’t just looking at our actions; He’s judging the intentions of our hearts.
• The Call to Love Includes Your Enemies: Jesus’s teaching in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:43-48) is nothing short of revolutionary. Christians aren’t just supposed to put up with their enemies. We’re called to actively love them, pray for them, and do good for them, showing the world what God is really like.
• There’s a Line Between Righteous Anger and Sinful Hate: The Bible does talk about a holy “hatred” for sin and injustice (Proverbs 6:16-19). But we have to be incredibly careful not to let that cross the line into personal, malicious hatred for individuals. It’s a dangerously easy line to blur.
• Beating Hate Is a Spiritual Fight, Not a Self-Help Project: Getting rid of hateful feelings takes more than just trying harder. It demands a choice to forgive, a total reliance on the Holy Spirit to change us, honesty with God, and taking real steps like praying for those who hurt us.

Can You Really Love God and Hate Someone at the Same Time?

This question cuts right to the chase, doesn’t it? The Apostle John thought so. He puts it bluntly: “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen” (1 John 4:20, ESV).

There’s no gray area there. No room to maneuver.

A liar. That’s what John calls it. It’s a gut-punch of an accusation. What he’s saying is that our everyday relationships—with family, friends, coworkers, the person who sits in the same church pew—are the real test of our love for God. It’s one thing to say we love a perfect, invisible God. That’s easy. He doesn’t get on our nerves, betray our trust, or gossip behind our back.

People, though? People are complicated. They’re frustrating. And they hurt us.

I learned this the hard way. A man I looked up to as a mentor in my church made some choices that wounded my family deeply. The feeling of betrayal was overwhelming. For months, I was consumed by a quiet, simmering rage. I’d be in church, singing about God’s amazing love, but my heart was a tight fist of resentment toward a man just a few rows away. I told myself I had every right to be angry. That it was justified.

But 1 John 4:20 wouldn’t leave me alone. It was like a rock in my shoe. Every time I tried to pray, that verse was a wall. How could I talk about love and forgiveness with God while my hands were clenched around my bitterness? My claim to love God felt like a sham. I was the liar the verse talked about. It was a painful, humbling moment when I realized my spiritual health was completely tied to my willingness to deal with the hate in my own heart.

What Does the Bible Really Mean by “Hate”?

In our day-to-day talk, we throw the word “hate” around pretty casually. We “hate” being stuck in traffic or “hate” doing the dishes. But when the Bible talks about hate, especially toward another person, it’s talking about something much darker. Think of a deep-rooted hostility, a malicious spirit, a settled state of your heart that wishes harm on someone. To get the full picture, we have to see how the Bible defines it.

Is All Anger Considered Sinful Hate?

This is a huge point of confusion. Not all anger is sin. In fact, Ephesians 4:26 gives this command: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” This tells us anger can be a valid response, but it’s what we do with it that matters. There’s a big difference between sinful hate and righteous indignation. We see that fire in Jesus himself. Remember when He walked into the temple and saw the money changers ripping people off in God’s house? He didn’t just write a strongly worded letter. He flipped their tables over and drove them out (John 2:13-16).

That was pure, unfiltered anger. But it wasn’t sinful hate. It was a holy anger aimed at injustice and the desecration of his Father’s house. It was fueled by a love for God’s holiness and a fierce protection of the poor. We should be angry about things like human trafficking, racism, and corruption.

Here’s the danger, though. We are experts at fooling ourselves. It is dangerously easy to dress up our personal vendettas and wounded pride in the clothes of “righteous indignation.” We convince ourselves our anger is for God, when it’s really about us. The line between the two is razor-thin, and it takes brutal honesty to know which side you’re standing on.

Does the Bible Equate Hate with Murder?

This is where the stakes get even higher. In the same letter, John drops another bombshell: “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him” (1 John 3:15).

Wait, what? How is that possible? Most of us would never dream of physically harming someone. But Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount that God’s standards go way beyond our outward actions. They go straight to the heart. He said that looking at someone with lust is the same as committing adultery in your heart (Matthew 5:28). In that same vein, John is saying that harboring hate is committing murder in your heart.

Think about it. The physical act of murder always starts with a seed of hate. It begins when you start to dehumanize someone in your mind, to see them as less than a person made in God’s image. When you hold onto hate, you’re killing their character in your mind. You’re wishing them harm, wishing them gone. You may never lift a finger, but in the courtroom of the heart, where God presides, the crime has already been committed. That’s a sobering thought that should force us all to take a hard look inside.

But What About Hating What God Hates?

It’s a fair question. The Bible is clear that there are things God hates. Proverbs 6:16-19 gives a pretty direct list:

• Arrogant eyes
• A lying tongue
• Hands that kill the innocent
• A heart that plots evil
• Feet that race to do wrong
• A false witness who pours out lies
• A person who sows discord in a family

Notice these are actions and attitudes. God’s “hate” is a perfect, holy rejection of everything that twists and destroys his beautiful creation. We’re called to hate those things, too. We should hate evil. We should hate sin.

But here is the crucial distinction we get wrong all the time: we are called to hate the sin but love the sinner.

This is one of the hardest things to do as a follower of Jesus. We instinctively lump the person and their actions together. When someone’s sin hurts us directly or just offends us, our righteous hatred for their sin can quickly curdle into a personal, sinful hatred for them. We use “hating the sin” as a holy-sounding excuse to despise the person. But God never gives us that permission. We are always, without exception, called to love our neighbor—even the one tangled up in sin—while refusing to endorse the sin itself.

How on Earth Am I Supposed to Love My Enemies?

If loving people we generally like is tough, loving our enemies can feel like a cruel joke. Yet, it’s the exact command Jesus gives. In the most radical sermon ever preached, He lays it all out:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:43-45)

This idea was completely bonkers then, and it’s just as revolutionary today. Our world runs on a simple principle: you treat me well, I’ll treat you well. You hurt me, and you better believe I’ll get you back. Jesus flips that entire script upside down.

Why Would Jesus Give Such a Difficult Commandment?

He tells us why in the very next sentence: “so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.” The way we love our enemies is supposed to be a little picture of God’s character. After all, God “makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). God doesn’t just bless the people who follow Him. His grace extends to everyone.

When we make the choice to love an enemy, we are acting like our Dad. We’re putting on display a kind of love that makes no earthly sense. It’s a love that short-circuits the endless cycle of revenge. It’s a living, breathing advertisement for the power of the Gospel. It proves that God is at work in us.

What Does “Loving Your Enemy” Look Like in Practice?

Loving your enemy doesn’t mean you have to feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Biblical love isn’t primarily an emotion; it’s a decision. It’s an act of your will to want what is best for them, even when they want what is worst for you. So what does it look like on a Tuesday afternoon?

• Pray for them: Start here. It’s the most powerful thing you can do. It is almost impossible to keep hating someone you are sincerely praying for. Ask God to bless them, to show them the truth, to provide for them. Prayer changes the other person, but more often, it changes you.
• Do good to them: Romans 12:20 puts it practically: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” Find real, tangible ways to show kindness. It could be as simple as not joining in when others are gossiping about them.
• Bless them: Jesus says to “bless those who curse you” (Luke 6:28). That means choosing to speak well of them, or at the very least, refusing to speak evil. It means you intentionally replace a curse with a blessing.
• Seek reconciliation: This isn’t a one-way street; it takes two. But your heart should always be ready to forgive and restore, just as God has been ready to restore you through Christ.

This is not a command to be a doormat or to allow someone to continue abusing you. You can love someone and still have healthy boundaries. But the default posture of your heart must be one of rugged, determined love, a love that’s only possible with God’s help.

What Are the Real-World Consequences of Harboring Hate?

Holding onto hate is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The real damage is to yourself. It’s a crushing, corrosive weight that infects every part of your life. Spiritually, as my own story shows, it cuts you off from God. You can’t be filled with a spirit of love when you’re making room for a spirit of bitterness.

Emotionally, it chains you to the past. I held a grudge against a coworker for years after he took credit for a project I’d poured my heart into. The injustice of it just gnawed at me. I’d replay the moment over and over, stoking the fire of my anger. I thought I was punishing him, but he had moved on and probably forgot it ever happened. I was the one stuck in a prison of my own making. My joy was being stolen every single day by an event that was long over. The mental energy it took to keep that grudge alive was exhausting.

When I finally chose to forgive him—not because he asked for it or deserved it, but because I needed to be free—it was like a thousand-pound weight was lifted from my chest. I finally understood that forgiveness wasn’t a gift I was giving him; it was a gift I was giving myself.

And it goes beyond just us. Hate is a community destroyer. It’s the fuel for family feuds, bitter church splits, and the political and racial divisions that are tearing our country apart. Hate never builds anything. It only destroys. For more on the communal aspects of faith and ethics, academic resources like the Yale Bible Study offer in-depth explorations of these biblical themes.

How Can I Overcome Hateful Feelings Biblically?

Knowing hate is bad is the easy part. Actually getting it out of your heart is a different story. This is a battle you can’t win by just trying harder. You need a divine strategy, one that’s built on the Bible and powered by the Holy Spirit. It’s not about flipping a switch; it’s a process.

Isn’t Forgiveness a Prerequisite?

One hundred percent. You cannot get over hate until you choose to forgive. And choose is the key word. Forgiveness isn’t waiting until you don’t feel hurt anymore. Forgiveness is a decision. It’s an act of your will to cancel the debt you feel that person owes you, just as Christ canceled your impossible debt on the cross.

Jesus told a story in Matthew 18 about a man who was forgiven a debt so massive he could never repay it. Moments later, that same man went and had another guy thrown in jail over a few bucks. The king who forgave him was furious, saying, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:32-33). The point is unmistakable: our willingness to forgive other people is directly tied to how well we understand the forgiveness we’ve received from God.

What Steps Can I Take When I Feel Hate Creeping In?

When you feel that familiar bitterness or anger starting to bubble up, you don’t have to let it take over. You can fight back.

• Call It What It Is, Immediately: Step one is ruthless honesty with yourself and God. Don’t call it “being frustrated” or “righteous anger.” Name it. “God, this is sinful hate.” Drag it out into the light. Pray Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”
• Repent and Realign: To repent literally means to turn around. Make a conscious choice to turn your back on the path of hate and get back on God’s path of love. You might have to say it out loud: “God, my feelings are pulling me toward hate, but I choose your way. I choose to love. Help me do what I can’t do on my own.”
• Pray For Them: I know we’ve said it before, but it’s the ultimate weapon. Start simple: “God, bless [person’s name].” As you keep doing it, your prayers will change. You’ll start praying for their health, their family, their walk with God. This spiritual act of kindness will starve the hate and grow a seed of compassion.
• Remember What God Did For You: Dwell on the cross. Think about the incredible grace you’ve been shown. When you’re tempted to see that person through the lens of what they did to you, ask God to help you see them through His eyes—as someone He loves and for whom Jesus died.
• Get Backup: Don’t try to fight this alone. It’s too hard. Confess your struggle to a pastor, a trusted Christian friend, or your small group. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Secrecy is where sin gets its power.

A Lifelong Journey

Getting a handle on an emotion as powerful as hate isn’t a one-time fix. It’s a lifelong journey of coming back to God, choosing forgiveness again and again, and depending on the Holy Spirit for the strength to do it. Old hurts will try to resurface. New offenses will tempt you back to that prison of bitterness.

But the Word of God is our compass. The standard is clear. “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar.” That verse isn’t there to beat us down. It’s there to set us free. It frees us from the exhausting hypocrisy of a divided heart. It calls us to a real, authentic faith where our love for God is proven, day in and day out, by our love for the people He’s put right in front of us. It’s a hard path, for sure. But it’s the only one that leads to life and peace. It’s the way of the cross. It is the way of love.

FAQ – What the Bible Says About Hate