What the Bible Says About Friendship – Proverbs 27:17

Friendship might just be life’s greatest gift. It’s also one of its greatest challenges. I can still feel the weight of my early twenties, working a dead-end job in a city where I was a total stranger. The isolation was crushing. It felt like I was completely adrift. A friend from college, a guy named Mark, was the one who threw me a lifeline. He didn’t do it with some grand gesture. He did it with a simple phone call every week, asking one simple question: “How are you really doing?” He also had the guts to call me out when I was drowning in self-pity.

He was sharpening me.

That experience sent me searching for what the Bible says about friendship, and one image kept coming back to me, powerful and metallic: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV). That verse is so much more than a nice quote. It’s a blueprint for the kind of relationships that can literally change your life. It speaks of impact and friction. It’s about mutual benefit. True biblical friendship isn’t about just having company. It’s about transformation. It’s about finding those people who make you better and stronger. It’s about becoming the person God truly created you to be.

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Key Takeaways

• Friendship takes work. The core message of Proverbs 27:17 is that real friendship is an active process of making each other better, which requires honesty and even a bit of friction.
• Real friends hold you accountable. A biblical friend loves you enough to challenge you, correct you, and hold you to God’s standard. They help you grow up, not just show up.
• We were made for community. From the very beginning, the Bible shows us we weren’t meant to live in isolation. Godly friendships are a powerful reflection of His design.
• Choose your friends wisely. The Bible is clear about the kinds of qualities to look for in a friend, because who you surround yourself with will shape who you become.
• Jesus is the ultimate friend. He modeled perfect friendship through his loyalty, sacrifice, and unconditional love, ultimately laying down his life for his friends.

What Does ‘Iron Sharpens Iron’ Really Mean?

Let’s be honest. When you hear “iron sharpens iron,” you probably picture a sword fight. It sounds intense. Loud. Even a little violent. And you wouldn’t be totally wrong. You can’t sharpen a blade by gently stroking it. It takes pressure. It takes friction. You have to grind away the dull, useless parts to get to the sharp, effective edge underneath. That’s the exact picture the writer of Proverbs is painting for us.

A true, godly friendship isn’t always comfortable. It’s more than just having someone to watch the game with who nods along with everything you say. It’s having someone in your life who cares enough about you to create a little friction. They see the man or woman God created you to be. And they refuse to let you settle for a duller version of yourself.

This “sharpening” is what happens in honest conversations. It’s what happens during loving correction and mutual encouragement. It’s the friend who pulls you aside and says, “Hey, the way you spoke to your wife the other day? That wasn’t right.” It’s the person who calls you on your excuses when you’re slacking off. The process refines our character and sharpens our faith. It’s not about tearing each other down. It’s about building each other up.

How does this verse apply to modern friendships?

In a world of social media, it’s easy to confuse “friends” with “followers.” We can have hundreds of contacts and still feel completely isolated and dull. The iron-sharpens-iron principle cuts right through that shallowness. It calls us to something deeper. Something real. Today, that means finding the courage to move past texts and surface-level hangouts.

It means making time for real conversations. You have to be willing to ask the hard questions and, just as importantly, be willing to hear the hard answers. I think back to my friend Mark pointing out that I was using work to hide from my anxiety. It stung. I won’t lie. But he was right. He created friction, scraping away at an excuse that was holding me back. That’s what real friendship looks like in the 21st century. It’s caring more about a friend’s character than their comfort.

Can accountability sometimes feel uncomfortable?

Of course. If it’s never uncomfortable, you might be doing it wrong. The very act of sharpening involves scraping and grinding. When a friend holds you accountable, they’re pointing out a dull spot in your life. None of us enjoy having our flaws put on display. Our pride instantly screams in protest.

I remember a time I couldn’t stop complaining about my job. For weeks, I vented to my small group. Finally, a man named David gently stopped me. He said, “Man, I hear you, but we’ve heard this for three months now. What are you actually doing to change things, or to change your attitude?” My first reaction was anger. Who was he to say that? But he was right. My complaining was a crutch. His direct, loving question was the friction I needed to see it. It was uncomfortable, but it was a gift. True friends will risk a moment of discomfort to help you in the long run.

Why Did God Create Us for Friendship Anyway?

It’s in our DNA. The need for community is baked into the very design of creation. Just go back to the beginning. Back to the Garden. After God made everything, He called it all “good.” But then, God says something is “not good.” For the first time.

In Genesis 2:18, He says, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This isn’t just about marriage. It’s a fundamental statement about humanity. We are not designed to do life alone.

God Himself exists in perfect community—the Trinity. We are made in His image, so we are wired for relationships. Loneliness runs contrary to our very nature. Friendship, then, isn’t just a social perk. It’s a fulfillment of our created purpose. It’s a gift from God, meant to reflect His own nature and give us the support and strength we need to make it in this world.

Isn’t a relationship with God enough?

This question comes up a lot. If God is all we need, why do we need other people? It’s a great question, and the answer is beautiful. Our relationship with God is, without a doubt, the most important thing. It is totally sufficient. But God, in His wisdom, has chosen to deliver His love, His grace, and His guidance through other people.

Think of it this way: God is a pure, endless spring of water. You can get everything you need right from the source. But He also created rivers and streams to carry that water out into the world. That’s what friends are. They are the channels God uses to bring His living water to the dry places in your life. When a friend encourages you, they are often delivering a message from the Holy Spirit. When a friend helps you move, they are being the hands of Jesus. It’s not that God isn’t enough. It’s that He loves to use friendship as one of His primary delivery systems.

How Do I Find a Truly Godly Friend?

This is the big one. We know we need good friends, but where do we find them? It can feel impossible. The Bible doesn’t hand us a treasure map, but it gives us something better: a compass. It points us toward the character traits that define a sharpening friend. We aren’t looking for perfect people, just people who are pointed in the right direction.

First, pray. Ask God to bring the right people into your life and for the wisdom to see them when they arrive. After that, you have to go where godly people are. Get plugged into a local church. And I mean more than just warming a seat on Sunday. Join a small group. Volunteer. Go to the men’s breakfast. You have to put yourself in proximity to the people you’re looking for. As you meet people, start looking for those biblical qualities that mark a true friend. And above all, focus on becoming that kind of friend yourself.

What qualities should I look for?

The book of Proverbs is basically a field guide for friendship. When you’re trying to find someone who will sharpen you, look for these things:

• Honesty: Proverbs 12:22 says God delights in people who are trustworthy. You want a friend who tells you the truth, period.
• Trustworthiness: A gossip spills secrets, but a real friend keeps them (Proverbs 11:13). You need people you can be real with.
• Wisdom: “Walk with the wise and become wise,” Proverbs 13:20 warns, “for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Surround yourself with people who make good choices.
• Loyalty: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). Real friends run toward the fire, not away from it.
• Self-Control: The Bible tells us not to hang out with angry people (Proverbs 22:24). Look for the fruit of the Spirit in their lives.

Where do I even start looking?

The best place to start is in the mirror. Work on being the kind of friend you’re looking for. Character attracts character.

Then, get intentional at church. Show up a little early. Stay a little late. Ask people their names and then try to remember them. Take the first step. Invite a guy or another couple out for lunch. Most people are just waiting for an invitation. Working on a project together or serving on the same team is a fantastic way to see someone’s true character. Don’t be passive. A simple, “Hey, a few of us are grabbing a bite to eat, want to join?” could be the start of a lifelong friendship.

What Does the Bible Say About Bad Friendships?

The Bible is just as passionate about warning us away from bad friendships as it is about celebrating good ones. This isn’t an exaggeration: the wrong friends can destroy you spiritually. The company you keep will change you. That’s a promise. The Bible isn’t being mean; it’s being protective. It’s a warning label on a poison bottle.

1 Corinthians 15:33 says it as clearly as possible: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” That’s not a suggestion. It’s a law of the universe. If you surround yourself with people who are cynical, who gossip, who are comfortable in their sin, or who mock your beliefs, it will wear you down. It happens slowly. A small compromise here. A softened conviction there. Before you know it, your spiritual edge is gone. A friendship that dulls you is a friendship you can’t afford.

Are there friendships I should actually avoid?

Yes. The Bible is direct about this. It’s not about thinking you’re better than anyone else. It’s about protecting your walk with God. Proverbs tells us to stay away from the hot-tempered person (Proverbs 22:24), the gossip (Proverbs 20:19), and anyone who lacks basic integrity.

This became painfully clear to me as a teenager. I had a buddy who was a blast to be around, but he started drifting. Small compromises turned into big ones, and soon his whole life was about things I knew were wrong. I told myself I could be a “good influence,” but honestly, he was influencing me. His skepticism was making me doubt my own faith. I had to make the hard choice to step back from that friendship. It hurt, but it was an act of spiritual self-preservation.

How do I handle a toxic friendship biblically?

This takes a lot of wisdom and courage. You don’t just ghost them or blow up in anger. If you can, the first step is to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Go to them and gently confront the issue. You could say, “I love you, man, but when you constantly trash-talk other people, I just can’t be part of that conversation.” This honors them by giving them a chance to change.

But if they won’t listen, you have to set up some guardrails. That might mean spending less time with them or saying no to certain invitations. In some cases, it might mean the friendship has to end. That isn’t an act of hatred. It’s an act of stewarding your own soul. You can still be kind to them and pray for them, but you can’t let them drag you down. A study from Baylor University confirms that a person’s religious friendships are a major predictor of their well-being, which just shows how high the stakes really are.

Can Friendship Really Make Me a Better Person?

Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent. It’s one of God’s primary tools for growth. Good friends do more than just hold us accountable; they actively build us up in ways we could never manage on our own. Think about building a cathedral. One person can’t do it. It takes a whole team of craftsmen working together to raise the walls. Our lives are like that. God uses our friends to build us into the people He wants us to be.

The writer of Hebrews tells us to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). That word “spur” is an energetic word. It’s what you do to get a horse moving. Good friends don’t let you get stuck in a rut. They see what you’re capable of, and they cheer you on. They celebrate your wins. They encourage you when you fail. Their belief in you can be the very thing you need to take that next step of faith.

Beyond accountability, how do friends build us up?

Accountability is like weeding the garden. Encouragement is like watering it. You need both. A friend builds you up when they remind you of God’s faithfulness when all you feel is doubt. They build you up when they point out the growth they see in you, especially when you can’t see it yourself. Their faith strengthens your own.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 nails it: “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” That’s it right there. Life is hard, and we are all going to fall down. A friend is the person who reaches down, grabs your hand, and helps you get back on your feet. They remind you that you’re not in it alone. That kind of support is priceless.

What Was Friendship Like for Jesus?

If you want to see perfect friendship, look at Jesus. He wasn’t some distant, unapproachable God. He walked the earth and called broken people his friends. In John 15:15, He says something astounding to his disciples: “I no longer call you servants… Instead, I have called you friends.” He invited them into a relationship of incredible intimacy and trust.

His friendships were real. They were messy. He had the big crowd of followers, the inner circle of twelve guys, and then an even tighter circle of three: Peter, James, and John. He spent thousands of hours with them. They ate together, walked together, and served together. He taught them. He corrected them. He was patient with them. He showed that friendship is built on shared time and a shared mission. He modeled vulnerability, even weeping when his friend Lazarus died. His entire life is a masterclass in friendship.

Did Jesus have a best friend?

While Jesus clearly loved all his disciples, the Bible hints at a special bond with John, “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” John was one of the inner three, and he’s the one who leaned against Jesus at the Last Supper. As Jesus was dying on the cross, it was John he asked to take care of his own mother. This doesn’t mean his love for the others was less. It just shows us that it’s natural and normal for special, deeper bonds to form.

That’s a relief, isn’t it? It gives us permission to have that one person—our Jonathan—that we share everything with. The lesson from Jesus is that our love should be wide, but our closest friendships will probably be few. He shows us we need both kinds of relationships. He frees us from the pressure of trying to be best friends with everyone and encourages us to pour into those few soul-deep connections God gives us.

How Does Loyalty Play a Role in Biblical Friendship?

Loyalty is the glue. It’s the rugged commitment that holds a friendship together when life tries to tear it apart. In a culture that treats relationships as disposable, the Bible holds up loyalty as a non-negotiable trait. It’s a reflection of God’s own loyal, covenant-keeping love for us.

The friendship between David and Jonathan is the ultimate example. Their souls were “knit” together. Jonathan was the king’s son, the heir to the throne. But he was willing to risk everything—his position, his inheritance, his very life—for his friend David. When his father, King Saul, was trying to hunt David down and kill him, Jonathan chose David. He stood by his friend against his own family and his own best interests. That is radical loyalty. It’s a commitment that says, “I’m on your team. No matter what.”

What’s the difference between being nice and being loyal?

They aren’t the same thing at all. Niceness is about being pleasant. It avoids conflict. Its main goal is to keep things smooth and easy. Loyalty is about being committed. It’s tough. It’s about what’s best for the other person, even when it’s hard.

A nice person will tell you what you want to hear. A loyal friend will tell you what you need to hear. A nice person might disappear when your life gets messy because it’s inconvenient for them. A loyal friend moves closer when things get hard. Niceness is passive; loyalty is active. It’s the friend who defends you when you’re not there to defend yourself. It’s the friend who shows up with a pizza on moving day. It’s love with its sleeves rolled up.

What if I Feel Completely Alone Right Now?

If that’s you, I want you to hear this: you are not broken, and you are not forgotten. Seasons of deep loneliness are a painful, but normal, part of life. The Bible is filled with heroes of the faith who felt totally alone, from Elijah hiding in a cave to David crying out in the Psalms. Feeling lonely is not a sign of failure. Often, it’s in these quiet, painful seasons that God does His most profound work in us.

The first step is always to press into Him. Proverbs 18:24 says He is “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Tell Him how you feel. Lay it all out there. Soak in His promises from Scripture. Your identity and worth come from Him, not from your social circle. That has to be your anchor.

Is there hope for finding friends when you’re lonely?

There is so much hope. This season isn’t forever. As you lean on God, you can also take small, practical steps. We’ve already talked about getting involved at church. But take it a step further: look for a place to serve.

Something amazing happens when you start focusing on the needs of others. It gets you out of your own head. Whether you’re stocking shelves at a food pantry or helping set up chairs, you’re not just sitting at home thinking about how lonely you are. You’re also meeting other people who have a heart to serve. Take small, brave steps. Start a conversation. Invite someone to grab coffee. The fear of rejection is real, but most people are just as hungry for connection as you are. Be patient. Real friendships aren’t microwaved; they’re slow-cooked. Trust that God is at work, orchestrating things you can’t yet see, to bring the right iron into your life.

Conclusion

The Bible’s vision for friendship is demanding, but it’s also beautiful. It’s a call to leave shallow waters and go deep. It’s a call to build transformative relationships where we are committed to making each other better, sharper, and more like Jesus. It’s not easy. It takes guts. It takes humility and loyalty and a whole lot of tough conversations.

But it is so worth it.

These are the friendships that get us through the darkest valleys. These are the friends who stand with us on the mountaintops. They are God’s love with skin on. So whether you have a band of brothers and sisters or you’re praying for just one, the mission is the same. Be the kind of friend you want to have. Be iron. Be willing to sharpen, and be willing to be sharpened. In the beautiful, messy, life-giving friction of a godly friendship, we become who we were made to be.

FAQ – What the Bible Says About Friendship