Have you ever been in the middle of a church service, hands raised, singing a worship song, when a thought suddenly hits you? It’s not a divine revelation. It’s the memory of the sharp words you exchanged with your spouse that morning. Or maybe it’s the lingering awkwardness from a disagreement with a friend that you’ve been avoiding all week. In that moment, the words of the song can feel hollow. It can feel like you’re just going through the motions. You’re physically in a place of worship, but your heart is miles away, stuck in that unresolved conflict. If you’ve ever felt that disconnect, you’re not alone. It raises a huge question for us as Christians: what does God care about more, our songs or our relationships? This brings us to the heart of what the Bible says about apologizing.
It’s a topic that can feel uncomfortable. Pride gets in the way. Fear gets in the way. But Jesus gives us a crystal-clear, and honestly, a very challenging directive in the book of Matthew. He lays out a divine priority list, and what’s at the top might surprise you. It turns out that our relationships with each other are directly tied to our relationship with God. So, let’s dive into what is arguably one of the most practical and convicting passages in the entire Bible.
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Key Takeaways
For those who want the main points right away, here’s the bottom line on what the Bible says about apologizing based on Matthew 5:23-24:
- Reconciliation Before Ritual: Jesus teaches that mending broken relationships with others is more urgent than performing religious acts of worship.
- The Responsibility is on You: The command is for the person who remembers the conflict to initiate reconciliation, regardless of who was at fault.
- Urgency is Key: The instruction to “leave your gift… at the altar” and “first go” implies that reconciliation should not be delayed.
- True Worship Requires a Clear Conscience: Our vertical relationship with God is directly impacted by the health of our horizontal relationships with people.
- Biblical Apology is an Act of Strength: Choosing to obey God’s command to reconcile over coddling your own pride is a powerful demonstration of faith and courage.
What Exactly Does Matthew 5:23-24 Say?
Before we can unpack the meaning, we need to look at the words themselves. The passage is part of Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount, where He is teaching a crowd of followers what it truly means to live a life that honors God.
In the New International Version (NIV), the verses read:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. This is a radical statement. To the Jewish listeners in Jesus’s time, offering a gift at the altar was a peak moment of religious devotion. It was a sacred act of worship and obedience. Yet, Jesus introduces a situation that is so important it should interrupt this sacred act.
Why Does Jesus Say to Leave Your Gift at the Altar?
The image Jesus paints is powerful. A person has gone to the trouble of bringing a sacrifice to the Temple. They are at the very point of completing their act of worship. Then, a memory flashes into their mind. A broken relationship. A grievance. Jesus’s instruction is immediate and absolute: Stop everything. Leave the gift. Go. This tells us so much about God’s priorities.
Is God Rejecting Our Worship?
At first glance, it might seem like God is rejecting the gift. But it’s not about the gift itself. God isn’t saying your worship is worthless. Instead, He is saying that the worshipper’s heart isn’t ready. An act of worship offered from a heart that is knowingly at odds with someone else is incomplete.
Think of it this way. If you brought a beautiful, expensive gift to a dear friend, but you knew there was a major issue between you that you were ignoring, the gift would lose its meaning. The unresolved tension would overshadow the gesture. God is telling us that He values authenticity. He desires our whole heart, and our heart cannot be wholly His if parts of it are entangled in bitterness, anger, or unresolved strife with people He also loves.
What Does the “Altar” Represent Today?
Most of us aren’t bringing literal animal sacrifices to a stone altar. So, what does this look like in the 21st century? The “altar” is any place or act of worship.
- It could be the church pew on Sunday morning.
- It could be your quiet time with your Bible and a cup of coffee.
- It could be the moment you kneel by your bed to pray at night.
- It could be the act of writing out your tithe check or clicking “donate” on the church website.
The principle is timeless. If, in the middle of any of these sacred moments, you remember a fractured relationship, Jesus’s command still applies. The urgency remains. Your worship can wait. The relationship cannot. It shows that God sees our love for others as a fundamental part of our love for Him.
What Does It Mean to “Go and Be Reconciled”?
Jesus doesn’t just say, “Go and apologize.” He says, “Go and be reconciled.” This is a much deeper and more comprehensive command. It points to the ultimate goal, which is the restoration of the relationship.
Is It More Than Just Saying “I’m Sorry”?
A quick, mumbled “sorry” to get someone off your back doesn’t cut it. Reconciliation is a two-way street that requires more than just a few words.
- It requires humility. You have to be willing to put your pride aside and make the first move.
- It requires listening. Reconciliation means hearing the other person’s side of the story and validating their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.
- It requires genuine remorse. A true apology focuses on your actions and their impact, without making excuses. It sounds like, “I was wrong for what I said,” not “I’m sorry if what I said made you feel bad.”
- It requires a desire for restoration. The goal isn’t to “win” the argument. The goal is to heal the damage and bring peace back into the relationship.
Sometimes reconciliation is not fully possible if the other person is unwilling. But the command from Jesus is for us to do our part. We are called to be the initiators, the peacemakers, the ones who “go.”
Who Should Make the First Move?
This is perhaps the most challenging part of the entire passage. Notice that Jesus doesn’t say, “If you have wronged your brother…” He says, “…if you… remember that your brother or sister has something against you.”
This puts the responsibility squarely on our shoulders. It doesn’t matter who started it. It doesn’t matter if you think you are 90% right and they are only 10% right. If you become aware that someone has an issue with you, Jesus says you are the one who has to go.
Let’s be real, this is a tough pill to swallow. Our human nature screams for justice. We want the person who wronged us to come crawling back. But Jesus flips the script. He calls us to a higher standard. He wants us to be so zealous for unity and peace that we are willing to swallow our pride and initiate the conversation. This is radical, counter-cultural, and the absolute heart of the gospel.
How Does Unresolved Conflict Impact Our Spiritual Lives?
Ignoring a broken relationship isn’t a neutral act. It has consequences. Harboring anger, resentment, or bitterness while trying to grow closer to God is like trying to drive a car with the emergency brake on. You might move a little, but you’re creating a lot of smoke and smell, and you’re not going very far.
Can We Truly Be Close to God with Anger in Our Hearts?
The Bible is clear on this. Unforgiveness and strife act as a barrier in our relationship with God. It’s like having spiritual static on the line. We are trying to talk to God, but the noise of our own bitterness is drowning out His voice. How can we ask God for forgiveness for our sins if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness or seek it from others?
Jesus ties these two things together constantly. He teaches us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The connection is undeniable. A heart closed off to a brother or sister on earth will have a very hard time being fully open to our Father in heaven.
The Ripple Effect of a Broken Relationship
Unresolved conflict is never contained. It always spills out and affects more than just the two people involved. Think about the consequences:
- Personal Peace is Lost: You lose sleep. You replay conversations in your head. The anger eats away at your joy.
- Family Dynamics Suffer: A conflict between two family members creates tension for everyone. Holidays become stressful. People are forced to choose sides.
- Church Unity is Damaged: When members of a church body are at odds, it grieves the Holy Spirit and undermines the church’s witness to the world. People see hypocrisy instead of love.
- Your Witness is Compromised: How can we tell the world about a God of reconciliation if we can’t even get along with our fellow believers? Our lives become the loudest sermon we will ever preach.
What Are the Practical Steps for a Biblical Apology?
Jesus’s command isn’t just a nice ideal; it’s a practical, step-by-step instruction manual for resolving conflict God’s way.
Step 1: Pause Your “Worship”
The first step is recognizing the urgency of the situation. The moment you “remember,” that’s your cue. Don’t say, “I’ll deal with it later.” Don’t finish your prayer or the last song in the worship set. The instruction is to “leave your gift.” This means you must treat reconciliation as a top spiritual priority.
Step 2: Go to the Person
The command is active. “Go.” Don’t wait for them to come to you. Don’t send a text message or an email if you can avoid it. A face-to-face conversation is almost always best because it shows you are serious and allows for genuine communication. This act of “going” is an act of humility and obedience.
Step 3: Own Your Part (Even If It’s Small)
Start by taking responsibility for your role in the conflict. A genuine apology never includes the word “but.” “I’m sorry, but you were…” is not an apology; it’s an attack. A true apology sounds like, “I was wrong when I said those hurtful things. There was no excuse for it, and I am truly sorry.” Even if you feel the other person was mostly at fault, you can almost always find something to apologize for—your tone, your impatience, your assumptions.
Step 4: Seek Reconciliation, Not Just Agreement
Remember, the goal is to be “reconciled,” which means restoring the relationship. This is different from winning the argument. You might have to agree to disagree on the issue that caused the conflict. Reconciliation means you can move forward in peace and love, even with differing opinions. It’s about valuing the person more than your need to be right.
Step 5: Return to Worship
After you have done everything in your power to be reconciled, then you can return to the altar. “Then come and offer your gift.” And imagine how different that worship will feel! It will be offered with a clear conscience, a lighter heart, and a deeper understanding of God’s grace. This is the kind of worship that pleases God—worship that flows from a life lived in right relationship with both God and others.
Is Apologizing a Sign of Weakness or Strength in Faith?
Our world often tells us that apologizing first is a sign of weakness. It means you are admitting defeat. It means you are letting the other person win. But from a biblical perspective, the exact opposite is true.
Choosing to obey Jesus’s command in Matthew 5 is one of the bravest things a Christian can do. It requires immense spiritual strength to silence your ego and prioritize peace. It shows that you fear God more than you fear being seen as “wrong.” It demonstrates that you value God’s Word over your own feelings.
This process is an act of both faith and courage. As discussed in materials from institutions like Luther College, reconciliation is not for the faint of heart; it’s a courageous step of faith. When you choose to go and be reconciled, you are living out the Gospel in a tangible way. You are showing the world that the love and forgiveness we have received from Christ compels us to share that same love and forgiveness with others.
Your Move
At the end of the day, what the Bible says about apologizing isn’t just theological information. It’s a call to action. It is a direct command from our Savior that links the quality of our human relationships directly to the quality of our divine one. Jesus makes it clear: our love for God is authenticated by our love for people.
So, as you finish reading this, don’t just think of it as an interesting article. Take a moment and ask yourself, is there a gift you have left at the altar? Is there a name that comes to mind? A relationship that needs mending?
Don’t put it off. Don’t wait for the other person. Be the strong one. Be the courageous one. Take that first step. Leave your gift, go and be reconciled, and then return to worship with a freedom and joy you may not have felt in a very long time.
Frequently Asked Questions – What the Bible Says About Apologizing
What is the difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness?
Apologizing involves admitting wrongdoing and expressing regret, regardless of the other person’s response. Asking for forgiveness is a humble request for the other person to forgive, recognizing their authority to accept or decline to forgive.
How can sincere repentance be shown when offering an apology?
Genuine repentance involves acknowledging specificwrong actions, taking full responsibility without excuses, and expressing a real intention to change. This displays true sorrow and a commitment to do better, aligning with biblical teachings.
Why is apologizing considered essential in the Christian faith?
Apologizing is essential because it reflects the Gospel’s message of reconciliation. It shows love, humility, and respect, and follows Jesus’s example of seeking to restore broken bonds, which is vital for spiritual growth and community.
Why is Matthew 5:23-24 a key scripture on apologizing?
Matthew 5:23-24 highlights the importance of making amends before worshiping God. Jesus teaches that if we remember we’ve hurt someone, we should resolve the issue first, demonstrating how our relationships with others are connected to our worship of God.
What does the Bible teach about the importance of apologizing?
The Bible emphasizes humility, peace, and love, and shows that apologizing is a way to live out these values. It is a tool given by God to mend relationships and demonstrate growth in faith.
