How to Get Married According to the Bible: A Guide

Marriage. Wow. That one word brings up a flood of images, doesn’t it? Hollywood sells us the fairytale, the whirlwind romance that ends in a perfect sunset. Social media shows us either the flawless highlight reel or a deeply cynical take on commitment. It’s enough to make anyone’s head spin. If you’re a Christian, the noise gets even louder because you’re asking a much deeper question: How do I do this in a way that honors God? If that’s you, you’re in the right place. We’re about to cut through the clichés and dig into the heart of how to get married according to the Bible.

This isn’t just theory for me. I’m a husband. I’ve wrestled with these same questions, felt the pressure, and prayed desperately to build a marriage that actually points to Jesus. I remember the mix of excitement and flat-out terror. So, let’s walk this road together. This is a practical guide for building a marriage on the only foundation that will actually hold up when life happens.

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Key Takeaways

• It’s a Covenant, Not a Contract: The biblical view of marriage is massive. It’s a sacred, unbreakable promise between a man and a woman before God himself, designed to reflect Christ’s passionate commitment to the Church.
• Choose Character Over Chemistry: That spark is great, but it won’t keep the fire burning. The Bible tells us to look for a partner who truly loves Jesus and shows it. Godly character is the bedrock.
• Preparation is Everything: A great marriage isn’t an accident. It’s built on purpose through prayer, seeking wisdom from others, getting real pre-marital counseling, and drawing firm boundaries while you’re dating.
• The Wedding Is Your Public Vow: The ceremony is more than a party. It’s you, standing before your community and God, making a public declaration that you are all-in, for life.
• Marriage Is a Ministry: The real work starts after the “I do.” It’s a daily choice for a husband to love sacrificially and a wife to respect and partner with him, both keeping God right in the middle of it all.

But Isn’t Marriage Just a Piece of Paper? What Does the Bible Actually Say?

I hear it all the time. “We love each other. We don’t need a piece of paper to prove it.” And honestly, from a purely secular view, I get it. It can feel like an old, unnecessary tradition.

But the Bible flips that script entirely.

God’s view of marriage is deeper and more powerful than we can imagine. It’s not a social contract. It’s a covenant.

Right from the beginning, in Genesis 2:24, God laid out the blueprint: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This is the core. It’s not just about sharing an address. It’s a total fusion—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This “one flesh” union is a divine act. God created it for our joy, for family, and to be a living, breathing picture of His own unbreakable love for His people. It is so much more than paper. It’s a promise with a pulse.

So, How Do I Know If I’ve Found ‘The One’ God Has for Me?

This is the million-dollar question. We get obsessed with finding our one and only “soulmate,” a quest that can leave us frozen with fear of making a mistake. The Bible doesn’t give us a mystical formula. It gives us a map of wisdom. It’s less about waiting for a lightning strike and more about making a wise, informed, prayerful choice about a person’s character.

Is It Just a Feeling, or Are There Biblical Signs?

Feelings are a gift from God. The butterflies, the spark—enjoy them! But feelings make a terrible foundation for a house you intend to live in for fifty years. They change with the weather. The Bible points us to solid ground. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul draws a hard line: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” This is the absolute starting point. A shared, vibrant faith in Jesus is non-negotiable. How can you become one if you’re running in two completely different spiritual directions?

Beyond that single issue, you look for character. You look for the evidence of God at work, what Paul calls the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Is this person growing in these areas?

I knew my wife was the one for me during a crisis. We were serving in a ministry that was imploding. It was messy. People were leaving, gossip was flying, and it felt like a failure. In all that chaos, I just watched her. I saw her choose to be kind when others were cutting. I saw her show incredible patience with difficult people. I saw a faithfulness to God that wasn’t based on how she felt that day. In her quiet, consistent character, I felt God’s confirmation more clearly than any dramatic emotional high.

That was real.

Should I Be Making a ‘Spouse Checklist’ Based on Scripture?

Using Scripture to shape what you’re looking for in a spouse is smart. But turning it into a rigid, 20-point inspection is a trap. It’s easy for a guy to read Proverbs 31 and expect a woman who is a gourmet chef, a CEO, and a seamstress, or for a woman to read Ephesians 5 and expect a flawless, all-knowing leader. That completely misses the heart of it.

These passages paint portraits of character, not lists of skills. They reveal the attitude and direction of a person’s heart. Instead of asking, “Does she do this long list of tasks?” ask, “Does she have a diligent heart that desires to serve?” Instead of, “Does he make every decision perfectly?” ask, “Does he have a heart that wants to love me sacrificially, like Jesus does?” Look for someone whose heart is aimed in the same direction as yours, even if you both stumble along the way.

We’re in Love and We’re Both Christians. Can We Just Get Married Now?

The short answer? Please, hit the brakes. Just for a second. The excitement and love you feel are real and they are beautiful. But they don’t automatically equip you for the marathon of marriage. Think about it. You wouldn’t start building a house the day you get the blueprints. You have to survey the land, pour a foundation, and let it cure. The engagement is your time to pour a rock-solid foundation for the rest of your lives. It is so much more than just planning a party.

Why is Getting Counsel So Important Before the Wedding?

Proverbs 15:22 is crystal clear: “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” This is pure gold for an engaged couple. You have blind spots. I promise you do. You’re both dragging years of family baggage, unspoken expectations, and personal habits into this thing. Getting pre-marital counseling from your pastor or a trusted mentor couple isn’t a sign that you have problems. It’s a sign that you’re wise enough to prevent them.

My wife and I thought we were totally on the same page about money. We were both savers. Easy peasy. But in counseling, our pastor wouldn’t let us off the hook with simple answers. He made us talk specifics: Debt. Tithing. Retirement goals. What happens if one of us loses a job? It turned out our “agreement” was about a mile wide and an inch deep. That one tough conversation saved us from a dozen bitter fights in our first year of marriage. It was a gift. Go get that gift.

What About Our Families? What Role Do They Play?

The first instruction for marriage in the Bible is to “leave and cleave.” A new family unit is being formed, and that unit must be the number one human priority. Your primary loyalty shifts from your parents to your spouse. But “leaving” isn’t the same as “abandoning.” The command to honor your parents doesn’t come with an expiration date.

This is a delicate dance. The goal is to build your own family identity while still showing love and respect to your parents. It means you and your fiancé(e) need to become a team, discussing things privately and then presenting a united front. Seeking their blessing is a wonderful and wise thing to do. It’s about building a relationship of independence and honor.

What Does a Godly Dating (or Courtship) Period Even Look Like?

Let’s be real: the Bible doesn’t have a chapter on modern dating. You won’t find verses about texting etiquette or who pays for coffee. But it is jam-packed with timeless wisdom about purity, honor, and intention that cuts right through the confusion of today’s dating scene. Biblical courtship is simply dating with a laser-focused purpose: to discover if this is the person you can partner with to glorify God for a lifetime.

It’s not a game. It’s an investigation.

How Do We Keep Things Pure Before the Wedding Night?

In a world that treats sex as casual recreation, the biblical call to wait can feel impossible. But God’s boundaries are always for our protection and flourishing. The command in 1 Corinthians 6:18 isn’t to “toe the line” or “see what you can get away with.” It is to “Flee from sexual immorality.” Run. Sexual intimacy is a holy, powerful gift that acts as the physical seal of the “one flesh” covenant of marriage. Using that gift outside of the covenant damages us.

Purity isn’t about gritting your teeth and trying harder. It’s about having a strategic plan. It demands honesty and clear boundaries that you establish before you’re in a tempting situation.

• Bring in Backup: Get a trusted friend or mentor who has your full permission to ask the hard questions about your boundaries and your choices.
• Stay Out of the Shadows: Common sense is a gift. Don’t spend hours alone in each other’s apartments, especially late at night. Let your relationship thrive in the light, with other people around.
• Have the Awkward Talk: It may feel weird, but have a direct conversation about physical boundaries. What’s okay? What’s off-limits? Deciding together how you will honor God with your bodies is a sign of maturity, not weakness.
• Serve Together: Make your time about more than just romantic dates. Serve in the church nursery. Help a family move. When you focus your energy outward on serving others, you see a side of each other’s character that a movie and dinner will never reveal.

Are We Supposed to Pray Together While We’re Dating?

Yes! If you aren’t praying together, it might be a sign that something is off-center. Prayer is the furnace of spiritual intimacy. It takes your relationship from being about shared hobbies to being about a shared mission. When you hear the person you love pour out their heart to God, you learn things about them you never would have otherwise. It keeps you both humble and reminds you that this relationship isn’t ultimately about you. It’s about Him.

Okay, We’re Ready. What Are the Actual Steps to Getting Married Biblically?

So you’ve done the work. You’ve sought counsel, drawn boundaries, prayed for hours, and you both have that deep, settled peace from God. That’s incredible. Congratulations. Now for the practical part. How do you actually get married in a way that honors Him? The Bible may not give us a checklist for wedding planning, but it gives us the core principles for the ceremony itself.

Is a Public Ceremony Required by the Bible?

You won’t find a verse commanding a wedding cake or a specific dress code. But the biblical idea of marriage is and always has been a public one. It’s a covenant, and covenants in the ancient world were always made out in the open, with witnesses. Your wedding is your public testimony. You are making a formal declaration to God, your family, and your community that you are starting a new, exclusive, and lifelong union.

This is where the legal marriage license—the “piece of paper”—is so important. Romans 13 tells us to submit to our governing authorities. By getting married legally, we are honoring God’s design for an orderly society. It provides a public record and legal framework that perfectly aligns with the biblical idea of a public covenant. For more on the deep significance of this public institution, you can explore resources from places like Dallas Theological Seminary.

What Vows Should We Make?

The vows are the absolute heart of the wedding. This is where you speak your covenant into existence before God and everyone. Whether you use traditional vows or write your own, they must be taken with the weight they deserve. This isn’t the time for quoting romantic comedies; it’s the time for making holy promises. Your vows must include:

• Covenant Language: Use words that carry weight. “I promise,” “I vow,” “I commit.”
• A Lifelong Promise: The words “till death do us part” are not a suggestion. You are committing for the rest of your natural lives.
• Total Faithfulness: You are promising to forsake all others. This is a pledge of comprehensive faithfulness—emotionally, mentally, and physically.
• Unconditional Commitment: You promise to love “in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.” Your commitment isn’t based on your circumstances; it’s based on your covenant.
• An Upward Aim: Acknowledge that you are making these vows not just to each other, but before God, and that you will need His help to keep them.

What Happens After the ‘I Do’? What’s the Biblical Blueprint for a Strong Marriage?

The confetti gets swept up and the thank-you notes get mailed. Then the real adventure begins. The wedding day is not the finish line. It’s the starting gun. The Bible gives us a clear, challenging, and beautiful blueprint for this lifelong journey. The goal is not merely a happy marriage, but a holy one—a relationship that shows the watching world a little glimpse of the love story between Jesus and His bride, the Church.

What Does It Mean for a Husband to ‘Love His Wife as Christ Loved the Church’?

This command from Ephesians 5:25 is the highest, hardest calling for a man. So, how did Christ love the church? He served her. He sacrificed for her. He gave his life for her. A husband’s love is meant to be a daily, practical demonstration of that same sacrificial spirit. It means putting his wife’s needs and well-being ahead of his own wants and comforts. It means leading not by being a demanding boss, but by being a servant. It is a love that gives, and gives, and gives again, not because she’s earned it, but because he is following Jesus.

How Does a Wife ‘Submit’ to Her Husband in a Modern World?

Few words in the Bible have been twisted and abused more than “submit.” Biblical submission, as seen in Ephesians 5, has absolutely nothing to do with being a silent doormat or being less intelligent, capable, or valuable. It is a wife’s voluntary and powerful choice to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership in their family. It is an act of profound strength.

This respect is a direct response to a husband’s Christ-like, sacrificial love. It’s a dance. His servant leadership creates a safe place for her respectful partnership to flourish. This mutual honor builds a powerful, unified team that can face whatever the world throws at them.

How Do We Keep God at the Center When Life Gets Hard?

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “…A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” In a Christian marriage, those three strands are the husband, the wife, and God. When life gets messy—and it will—that third strand is what holds everything together.

Keeping him at the center is a choice you make every day. It means praying together when you’re tired and stressed. It means digging into a local church community that will hold you up. It means opening the Bible together. It means being the first to say “I’m sorry.” Your marriage is one of the primary tools God will use to make you more like Jesus. It is a holy, precious, and powerful gift. Treat it that way.

FAQ – How to Get Married According to the Bible